Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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