PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
