i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You have to summon your inner elephant
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
