the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
4 words: hood of his car
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't notice because vodka
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize