An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
