i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
