Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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