what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize