WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
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he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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