Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
