i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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