I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
