sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
