My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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