Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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