he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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