Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
the raccoons are back...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
