My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
