Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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