she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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