I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
