All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
