please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
did i walk over a car last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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