the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want to fling myself into the sun
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
