i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
