Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
