I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
