i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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