did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
