I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
