Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize