well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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