I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
