I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He passed out mid-signature
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
