five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
