He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
