I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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