Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
