i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
