And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
