I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
