I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Welp...herpes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
