wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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