Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
