I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can I color on your dick again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
