i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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