Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
