My hand turned me down
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
