im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
