I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
