Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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