I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize