got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
