as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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