I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
