I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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