You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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