Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
