I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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