If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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