I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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