His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
