I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
