hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
