I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
